Of Mice and Men . . .

Posted on May 3, 2012 by B. Trout

Ever notice how other people’s kids are out of control?  The same is true for their pets, too!  If you ever tried to enjoy your meal at a restaurant under the serenade of some screaming brat at the next table, or lied awake most of the night listening to the neighbor’s dog barking, you know the frustration.  The solution?  In a tale of imagination, you, or some other competent crusader, steal through the night, silently strangling noisy children and muting barking canines with a stealthy flick of the wrist, but you risk jail time acting as your own neighborhood Angel of Death! Continue reading →

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Cavalcade of the “Has-Beens!”

Posted on April 27, 2012 by B. Trout

Celebrities love hawking reverse mortgages . . . Robert Wagner, Fred Thompson, Henry Winkler, Peter Graves and even a genie, Barbara Eden.  Why do these famous folks feel that reverse mortgages are the best thing since eating sliced white bread in an oxygen tent?  The best answer might be “Because they’re getting paid for it!”  But then again, celebrities get paid for anything they do.  That’s why they’re celebrities!  I would think that anyone on this list of A-rated endorsers don’t need to consider a reverse mortgage.  So can we believe they are truly sincere?  The best answer here is, “Probably not!”  These old stars don’t know anything about a reverse mortgage. Continue reading →

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Scotch tape on my thermos bottle!

Posted on April 23, 2012 by B. Trout

"Built like a Mack!"

“Mack Trucks!!  It’s part of the language!” is an old advertising campaign for one of the best known hauling vehicles in the world.  The name Mack is often used as an adjective or noun for quality, toughness, and large size.  Many hangover victims are remorsefully familiar with the saying, “I feel like I was hit by a Mack Truck!”  Continue reading →

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Roadway Luminaries

Posted on April 16, 2012 by B. Trout

There it was lying on a city clerk’s desk, the catalog that belongs on everyone’s coffee table– Roadway Luminaries!  Naturally, you might be thinking to yourself, what’s a roadway luminary?  It’s an important sounding word for street light.  But, why not call the catalog Street Lights?  Would you pay $1500.00 to $2000.00 wholesale for a street light?  No, of course not?  How about two grand for a roadway luminary?  Now it sounds like a bargain. At least that’s what the marketing geniuses at the street light store figured out. Continue reading →

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I’ll drink to that! (or how I changed the drinking world)

Posted on April 11, 2012 by B. Trout

I’m responsible for Beirut!  No, not the city in Lebanon, but the infuriating beer-gulping drinking game where contestants stumble up to a ping-pong table and heave feathery celluloid balls into plastic beer-filled cups to . . . well, to get drunk, I suppose.  Some time between the 1980’s and common sense, college matriculates decided that drinking games should be designed to get dead bang, out-but-out, fall-on-your-face, sloppy drunk.  And I’m embarrassed to admit I am somehow a part of it.  But not for the reasons you might think!

First of all, I’m not a “Carrie Nation,” hatchet-wielding teetotaler who believes that naturally-brewed spirits are evil, and in college, I was considered a “high level” imbiber.  And I’m not anti-Beirut because I think the state of “sloppy drunk” isn’t a viable pastime.  It’s more the way the game developed, starting with the advent of “beer pong” and “quarters” in the mid-seventies, to what I saw as a lazy man’s (or woman’s) drinking game with a get drunk now strategy during the 1980’s. Continue reading →

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Onward Christian soldiers!

Posted on April 4, 2012 by B. Trout

If you’re religious, you probably like a good fight.  Religion and a good fight go together, like bacon and eggs, peanut butter and jelly, or brewing your own beer and reloading your own shotgun shells.  Some things are just good fun!  And if you’re going to start a fight, you might as well wage war.  War is about the stupidest action any group within a species can wage against others of the same species.  This is no problem for religion.  Religious leaders love a war.  One religion even created a cute little oxymoron for such conflicts, calling them “holy wars,” and there is no doubt that some of the world’s best wars were religious wars. Continue reading →

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Recipe for disaster!

Posted on April 2, 2012 by B. Trout

My mother-in-law’s cooking was so bad that the flies in her neighborhood took up a collection to fix the screen door!  It was absolutely the worst!  Her cooking mantra was that if any moisture remained in any victuals, it wasn’t quite done.  And this included the rubber and limestone food groups.  On the other hand, she didn’t like my cooking, either.  She didn’t like my crispy vegetables or my tender red beef, but before I go on, I know what you’re all thinking.  No man likes his mother-in-law and every mother-in-law is the worst cook ever.  Reserve your judgement, for I truly believe I can win this one hands down. Continue reading →

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Tough Gals of Television

Posted on March 28, 2012 by B. Trout

It’s a fact that women are moving up in the world, particularly in the world of entertainment.  If you’re a typical man,  you probably believe women are advanced enough, and if a woman, it’s still a man’s world and you, as a woman, deserve a lot more respect.  There are a number of “tough” women gracing the small screen, and most networks purposely air their share of tough gals.  Surprisingly, a lot of women like watching these tough females, and men, with a traditionally short attention span, really like watching them!  I thought it would be fun to share my top five (5) picks for “Tough Gals of Television” with a brief explanation as to why I chose them.

Coming in at number 5 is actress Gabrielle Anwar who plays Fiona Glenanne on the hit series Burn Notice.  Fiona is an ex-IRA operative and ex-girlfriend of the main character Michael Weston (played by Jeffery Donovan), a “burned” spy for the CIA looking for redemption.  Fiona meets up with Michael in Miami and decides to help, but she doesn’t count on how Michael (as she calls him) is going to make a living . . . by using his old spy skills to help others.  She sees plenty of action as a gun-toting, bomb-wielding, double X chromosome side-kick and with a shoot-first-ask-questions-later attitude, Fiona helps Michael carry  out his clever spy schemes time and again.

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Mr. Sandusky, bring me a dream . . .

Posted on March 22, 2012 by B. Trout

Jerry Sandusky, former Penn State assistant football coach (photo AP)

The legal principle, “Innocent until proven guilty,” is difficult for a person to reconcile regarding certain crimes.  Violent crimes qualify, of course, such as murder, forcible rape, and any other crime our society deems heinous, and when that crime is publicized through the media, such as television and the press, people know more details about the allegations.  The more they know, the more they take sides.  The more they take sides, the more heated the discussions.  Such is the case of Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State football coach accused of sexually molesting 10 boys over a period of 15 years.  People are taking sides.  In these types of crimes, however, most people imagine the worst and are usually not shy in saying so.  One part of us hopes these terrible things didn’t happen, while another part of us wants justice, even revenge, if these things really did happen.  It’s human nature, and if such thoughts race through your mind about Mr. Sandusky, or any other person accused of a heinous crime, relax.  You’re normal.

Continue reading →

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Don’t Tread on Me!

Posted on March 20, 2012 by B. Trout

Throughout history, nothing stirs emotion like pieces of cloth sewn together as a flag.  The idea of flags began on ancient battlefields where soldiers bore these colorful symbols on poles to mark the position of armies and their leaders.  Over hundreds, even thousands of years, the very fabric of a flag became sacred, representing strength, honor, and recognition of armies, territories,  even nations themselves.  Today, to disrespect a nation’s flag can result in protests, riots, or even a call for war.  Knowing this, one might think that in a civilized society, organized groups would take great care when displaying a flag . . . especially one so revered as the star-spangled banner of the United States.  Leave it to politics to break the rules. Continue reading →

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